I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize