She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
