SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize