my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
