On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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