I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
