If i come over, it means nothing
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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