Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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