You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
