She went from zero to smokin in five shots
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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