Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize