Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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