the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she smelled like a LAN party
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize