i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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