i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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