stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
