Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize