smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
