I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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