atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
