If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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