what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
