You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
