There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
