gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
