my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
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