he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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