we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
