Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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