I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
