i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
