By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
