My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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