And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
