just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
