He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
