There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Your penis caused this!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
