My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize