I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
