a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
