I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
All the doctor said was why
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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