Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
