can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
