Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
