it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
