Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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