I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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