I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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