i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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