Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
