OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
