My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
there is puke in my bra ... again
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize