the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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