The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
