I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
false alarm. still invincible.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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