I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
