I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
