maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize