How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
