So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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