Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
