after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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