Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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