she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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