The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
try to milk me bitch
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
