You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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