and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
