I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
