Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
