They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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