isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Alive.
So much puke
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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