But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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