Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
only if we run a train.
done.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
